I've had a frightening experience. Can training feel safe?

It can. It also might not, and you are allowed to find that out and stop. Nobody here will treat that as failing at something.

Start with what I am and am not. I am a coach. I am not a therapist or a counsellor, I have no training in that, and I am not going to ask you what happened. You can tell me as much or as little as you want, including nothing. If you are working with a professional as well, that is your business and I think it is a good idea.

What I can do is hand you the controls.

Before the first session you tell me what you do not want. No being grabbed from behind. No hands near your throat. No going to the ground. No standing behind you. Whatever it is, name it and it does not happen, and you do not owe me a reason for any of it. I will not test the edges of that list to see if you meant it.

During the session, one word stops everything. Not a safe word, not a system, just the word stop. I let go, I step back, and we either pick up something else or we are done for the day. That rule holds on the fiftieth session the same as the first.

Here is what an hour actually looks like if you want it to go slowly, and most people do. Standing up work. How far away someone has to be before they can reach you, and what that distance feels like in your own driveway. How to move so your back is not to the gate. Using your voice, out loud, which is harder than people expect and worth practising. Breaking a grip on your wrist. Getting your hands up without looking like you are squaring off. None of that requires anyone to grab you, and you can do weeks of it before you decide whether you want contact at all.

Ground work only if and when you want it, and you may never want it. That is a real option, not me being polite.

Bring someone. A friend, your sister, your partner, whoever makes the room feel like yours. They can sit right there the whole hour, and it is a normal request rather than a special arrangement. See having someone with you during a session.

Sparring is not part of this and does not have to ever be. People assume contact is the price of entry. It is not. Whether you have to spar is a plain no, and it stays a no for exactly as long as you want.

I am not going to tell you what this will do for you. I do not know, and anyone who promises you something there is selling. What I will tell you is what is in your control: the pace, the contact, who is in the room, what we work on, and when we stop.

Some weeks the useful thing is a grip break. Some weeks the useful thing is that you got through an hour and want another one. Both count.

Message me before the first session and tell me what you need. Write it out if saying it is hard. See what women-only sessions are.